I confess... the "L" never looks like the lesson in the beginning.

03/29/2021 Time: 10:57am 

Monday @ Momentum Sports Performance 

Dear Daughter, thank you for being exactly who you are. I love you beyond this life I'm living and I always want you to know that. So I am writing to you today because I had a very magical weekend experience. I mean, there are some things I am about to tell you that weren’t so magical but overall everything was truly in God’s plan. So let’s start at the beginning…this may be a long entry so journey with me for a few minutes. A lady who's name I won't mention for the sake of this blog is a managing partners for a sports company I absolutely adore. After meeting me in Atlanta she invited me to another city for an event for the weekend, hotel and flight included. Of course I said “YES” because this is such a dream come true for me. ME, "little ole me", traveling with this company which is damn near the “Nike” for 7v7 tournaments…how could I turn this down? I was so happy. I packed two nights before and was ready for the weekend. After blood, sweat, and tears…really more tears than anything because I almost missed my flight. The gate changed and I had ten minutes to make it to my next gate and Hartfield-Jackson airport is the absolute worst for something like that. That’s another journal entry about life that I will save for a later date. I got on the plane, gathered myself, spoke with your grandmother, and just like that we were “wheels up”. When I arrived in Indianapolis, I honestly didn’t know what to expect, who was going to be there, and how this whole "7v7" thing works. I got to baggage claim where I was met by the madam and her three assistants. We got in a rental and she gave each of us $50.00. Now pause - is this how this 7v7 thing works because babyyygirl, if so, I’m hooked. I asked her what the money was for, and her response was simple, “Spend it how you like.” Immediately I said to myself, that’s the kind of boss I want to be. She’s literally me years from now. Girl I was “fan girling” and no one could change my mind about it. Finally I had met my future self and for so long I’ve been waiting to finally shadow someone that I believe is doing exactly what I want to do. So anyway, we got in the rental and off to the hotel we went. Once we arrived at the hotel, I found out who I was rooming with. I literally asked my roommate a million questions about how 7v7 works. Check-in, lunch, day to day operations, hours, weekend needs, coaches, players, staff needs, everything I felt I needed to know. I had a goal in mind and I was set on reaching it at all cost . When the 3pm hour hit it was time for us to go to the facility to check -in. (Pause - before going to the facility we had a little break, so I sat in the hotel room, read my Bible for a bit and took a nap. I had to mention to you the time I spent reading the Bible because I take that very seriously and hope you will too someday.) Ok so at the facility, we only had 2 hours to set up before the facility closed. So as a team we did what we could and left. I got dropped off at the nail salon to spend my $50.00 and got my first ever manicure with “gel polish” and girl I got short nails. Lol like short short nails and I don’t do short nails. I finished my manicure and walked back to the hotel. While eating some good ass nachos, a salad, and drinking an apple ale beer I watched this Big Sean interview on my phone. The guy who is the author of “Think Like A Monk” interviewed him and it was amazing. Before wrapping up, I thought about my first real day at such a huge event like this and all I could do was smile and be so thankful that a dream come true was happening right before my very eyes, like I literally prayed for this. Once I returned to the hotel, I got ready for my big day, Saturday and just like that the lesson began. LESSON ONE: There is always more to any job than what is perceived or expressed to you. I’m not quite sure how I imagined “day one” of my first experience to be, but it was nothing like I thought it would be. Day one was extremely busy. People began to crowd the doors just moments after us setting the rest of the building up from the previous day. Mind you we got up and arrived at the crack of dawn - we are also in the middle of “COVID” might I add. Day one required a lot of teamwork, common sense, a super charged phone, lots of energy, a clean mind, customer service, knowledge of the company's way of doing things, patience, lots and lots and lots of patience, and a smile. I noticed one person in particular who's personality is very stern, she either doesn’t get along with new people she meets or she just doesn’t too much care for me. Nevertheless, I’m new and I guess it will take some time for her and others to get used to me. Ha, look at me sounding like I’m already on the official staff list. Anyway, I love these kinds of weekends because of the match-up and competition it brings out. But girl ask me how many match-ups I saw that day? Ask me if I even had the time to find out what teams were there and registered for the weekend? I had no time for any of that. The “fun” I was expecting was far far far from the reality and hard work I was experiencing. Now let me be clear… I am a hard worker and I love adding or bringing value to any team or situation…I just had no idea I’d be trapped behind a table for hours selling merchandise and wristbands for admissions. Lol you know your mama wanted to be walking the fields and learning from the Queen B herself on how to be in charge and really run this business. Because I mean let’s face it…as a managing partner, the lady had just turned 41, no fucking way she wants to be running the company another 10 to 20 years. She should be laid out on a beach in another country watching her accounts grow, lol or maybe that’s just me. I would want to leave my business in good hands, and I’m going to do everything in my might to show her she can do just that. Her job entails so much. I guess you can say I had a “crawl before you walk” reality check because I am sure there were many weekends she worked the gate before being able to walk the fields looking like the "girls boss" she is. We finished day one strong and then was ready for day two. LESSON TWO: Do NOT make friends of people you are working with or for. There is NO SUCH THING as “friends” in business so don’t even try to make them. Set a goal, achieve the goal, be kind, and go home. All day Friday I did the whole friendly thing with the other ladies who traveled with us for the weekend and I just feel like that shit back fired Saturday and Sunday. (To be clear, I don’t go around talking about my past because it’s nobody’s business.) I just want to be treated with the same respect and honor I give off. But who am I to teach that to 40 year old's? That’s twice my age…and I don’t want anything but to learn from people older than me, I’m not here to step on anybody’s toes, my goal is to do what the managing partner does, period.) Anyway and maybe I’m overthinking, but I know I’m not because my vibration is HIGH and what I feel is real. I don’t care what happens, don’t ever talk about people on the job, it’s not nice and that shit is trifling. Needless to say, I got a bad vibe from one of the ladies, she just kept talking about me and I could tell it was influencing the lady I was rooming with because they both began to be real short with me. I felt so uncomfortable Sunday after a few hours - it felt like the walls were closing in on me, I could feel my anger flaring up…but I knew this was a test. This was God testing me to see if I had really changed and if I could handle even being an official member of the staff and traveling around the world with the madam. I had to walk the fields, I just didn’t want to be stuck behind that table any longer. The work was not beneath me, I just hate being confined to a table or to a desk because I know I have more value than that and plus I just like to move around, I like to see where else I can help and serve others. I wasn’t sure if the ladies would mind me wanting to move around to shadow the madam and I was so irritated by their behavior that speaking to them would have definitely gone left, so I asked another lady that was present what she thought and she said “go for it”. Girl, I guess they overheard their names and it was a wrap after that. I was so upset with myself. Why didn’t I just ask them? Why didn’t I have the professional language to express myself? Why do I feel like I keep getting these opportunities and fucking them up being the “ghetto girl”. I self-shamed myself for the rest of the day. I will never know what they heard or what they thought they heard, but all of it was brought on by me. I needed a punching bag, but I just held it all in. Now mind you all of this is swarming in my head and I finally leave to go check out some of the last few games. They were cool, but at one point I sat down on the field at least 3 times and I know the madam saw me because we made eye contact. How DF could I be so stupid? What the hell was I thinking? She never sits during the tournaments, so that must have been a horrible look on me. Here I am supposed to be representing her well and I had the audacity to be sitting on the field watching the games AFTERRRRR she had given me $380.00 for my time. I didn’t even know I was getting paid, this lady paid me - what an honorable woman she is. There’s only one other time in my life where I felt this small. There was no recovery for this. Not only do I want to fight something, I could’ve snatched every braid out of my hair for being so mindless. I texted her on my flight apologizing about sitting on the field and I don’t remember her remarks exactly, but I do know she was kind about it. This has probably ruined my career. with this company. Those ladies at the front will tell her they hate me and she’s not going to invite me back because I was sitting on her field. Ugh, what a very unfortunate story this is beginning to be already. If she never invites me to help her at another event, I won’t even be mad…I’ll be sad and disappointed in myself, but I would completely understand. I know this is probably the longest journal entry you’ll read from me, but know this…one moment, one second, one experience can change the entire trajectory of your life. (I could’ve allowed my emotions to get the best of me or I could’ve been so upset with myself about sitting on the field that I wasted time in the restroom crying, but I stayed the course.) So please be clear in your mind and do and give always your absolute best. You will be tested, but only with what's preparing you for what's next. LESSON THREE: Do your Job, add value where you can, and use your gifts freely. It’s ok to be the brightest in the room…even if people hate you for it, YOU STILL SHINE. Please take the time to communicate fully and clearly. Even if you know the conversation will be difficult, it’s worth having. I truly believe the worst thing you can do is NOT learn to communicate effectively. I’ll teach you what I know and what I’ll learn eventually, but you’ll find out quickly who you are when you’re put in these situations on your own. Even when it hurts, even when you’re wrong, even when you don't know, even when you make assumptions, even when you’re up and feeling good you must learn to communicate in a healthy way. Yelling, screaming, fussing and fighting WILL NOT get you anywhere - it just won’t. When you are calm and can discuss your thoughts profoundly, you will feel so much better, avoid tension, and your heart and mind will be so peaceful. Once you have mastered communication, I believe it becomes easier and easier for you to always be in the presence of the Holy Spirit because that’s the kind of atmosphere he dwells in. (I’m learning that myself.) I look back now and all I had to do was ask. All I had to do was communicate how I was feeling. I take everything personal because I work out of a full heart. My weekend was supposed to end with me on a wild “high”, but instead I am writing to you about all the growth that was measured this past weekend and what needs to take place in me. I’ve shed a few tears and my plane ride back home felt like it would never end, but I’m back home and it’s time for me to refocus. The only way to truly change the world, is to BE the change you want to see. I thank God today and everyday for another day of chances to get “IT” right. I hope this weekend is a forever reminder of how much effort it’s going to take to get me where I want to be. Never give up on yourself, because everything L you take is a LESSON! I love you - Mom.   

PS - Five years later your mom became the East Coast Regional Director for this company - doing exactly what she expressed she wanted to do all along.